Siren Song

 

Bat For Lashes - Siren Song

i woke this morning to a brick wall

and that brick wall was inspiration

i didn't know it was coming

i hadn't planned on it.

but when she showed up

i gave her a big kiss

wet and sloppy and face-flattening

maybe it was the mixed berries

maybe it was the incredible email she sent me

maybe it was the love i made the other night

maybe it was my new hoodie i got

the red one

red

red 

red

or was it my aching muscles

from the marathon i've been running.

away from my regrets

towards the light

towards the open arms of my lover(s)

towards the hope of my Mother

towards my potential(ly)

unbroken heart

and i didn't even win the race...

i came in last

as i always seem to do

learning those lessons

hard

and in my own time

and all that was my click-track

was her screaming into the perforated speaker

singing along to an unidentifiable beat

in a language that i had never heard

or spoken

before

and it took a while for my feet

to catch up with my desired pace

and it took a while

for my eyes to adjust to the dark

hair that used to be white

void of colour

void of living

void of emotion

along with the neutral wardrobe

that had not a lick of red

so, today i will wear red

in honor of all those who loved me 

at my worst

and can breathe a sigh

of relief

now that im closer to 

my best

and i will wear my flattest shoes

so that i can be closer to the ground

and not so far away from the heat of the concrete

which seems to have sprouted a garden

with purple lilies

and sweet, orange carrots

curly, argyle green lettuce

baby red, imperfect potatoes

and the way i want to tell

everyone

how much i love them

all

of the time

not just when the moon is full

and not just when they say it first

Melody Ehsani

"I AM ENOUGH AND I AM NOT MY HISTORY. I BELIEVE THAT LOVE IS THE ONLY NUTRIENT IN THE WORLD THAT CAN BE EXPRESSED, AND I VOW TO TRY MY BEST TO PRACTICE ITS EXPRESSION IN EVERYTHING I DO AND WITH EVERYONE I KNOW. I AM NEVER WITHOUT RESOURCES. I AM A CHILD OF THE HALF LIGHT. I AM CONNECTED TO THE WHOLE. I AM A CREATIVE FORCE, I RECALL THE ORIGINAL PROGRAM THAT IS MY DESIGN IN WHICH I LIVE MY LIFE BY. I AM A MAGNET. I KNOW NOTHING, BUT I HAVE THE ABILITY TO RECOGNIZE TRUTH- THAT'S HOW I SEE YOU, EVEN WITH MY EYES CLOSED." - Melody Ehsani - Designer.  Blog

this is something that i stumbled upon thanks to twitter....thanks twitter.  and thanks Esthero for giving props where props is due.  you have good taste in what you love.  this quote is so much about what i am gravitating towards these days.  pretty spiritually evolved and deep.  but, i yems what i yems.....

Complex Geometries

Complex Geometries

Canadian brand that i discovered today via Fashionista.  don't know much, but i know what i like.  and i definitely like this.  they are selling this brand at Reborn here in Montreal. the proportions and the vision is what caught my attention.  it really is beautiful.  nothing like cotton knits to make you want to nest and make love...the other thing is, they are having a one day sale....check it.

and fate is not just whose cooking smells good, but which way the wind blows

to find the person who actually wrote this would be nice.  i searched and searched on the internet...to no avail.  there was some talk of Helena Kvarnström being the is the author.  however, i don't think she is.  if anyone can give me some insight to who wrote this - i would be glad to give credit where credit is due.  

Helena Kvarnström is the author of the above quote {see the comment below and check the link}.  she is a photographer and writer from Sweden who currently lives in Toronto.  i peeped her website and blog.  it's really beautiful how things lead you to people and things and places.  this felt like one of those things.  as does quite a few many things in my life right now.  i digress, her website is gorgeous as is her energy that is communicated through her art.  be it through prose or photographs.  check it.  you won't be disappointed.

Saint Barbie

Saint Barbie - Mark Ryden

this is just too amazing not to post.... 

Brand Bonanza

CC Skye - she started out designing jewelry and since the success of that commodity, she has gone on to expand into handbags and clothing.  the thing that caught my eye, was her attention to simplicity and size.  two very important aspects in my own personal style.  silhouettes, sophisticated statements and not allowing the items to wear you, but for you to wear them.  they are a true articulation of who you are.  trust me, i am aware that i am a marketer's dream.  but, that's how i feel.  clothing and accessories have the ability to make me feel like a million bucks.  like a new person.  and the style that comes along with it, gives me the freedom to not be in a box.  i never look the same everyday.  i am always craving and coveting something unique and different.  always.  and CC Skye - fulfills that covet. 

Acne - i completed my internship and the end of my fashion marketing program at a distribution company called Want Agency Inc. here in Montreal.  among Filipa K and Nudie Jeans, the other brand that they distributed throughout Canada, was Acne.  among being one of the most professional organizations that i have ever had the pleasure of working for/with, Want really opened my eyes to another vision regarding fashion and what i was drawn to.  all of these Scandinavian brands represented such a tangent that i had never been exposed to before.  the use of beautiful neutral palettes.  the silhouettes.  the boldness.  it was so refreshing and incendiary really.  and Acne really stood out in my mind.  in the Canadian market, most retailers gravitated towards the denim and the footwear.  but it's all gorgeous.  pictured here are the 'Derby' pants and the 'Admire' booties.  i heart. BIG.  artistic integrity.  ~drool~

James Perse - basics, basics, basics.  so, my eternal search for the ultimate white t-shirt has been passed on through the female generations i my family.  and although this brand is a little pricey, the quality is SO worth it!  on the left, a basic fitted deep v-neck and on the right a cute twist to the button up in a jersey blend.  doesn't it just look like it feels like cashmere?!

Christian Dior - now, you didn't think that i wasn't going to give the kids something that they can't afford......did ya?  HA!!!  so, for me, i love classic style when it comes to watches.  timeless.  no pun intended.  something that i can wear for the rest of my life.  that is what attracts me to time pieces.  i am always talking about 'investment' pieces.  a good watch is one of those things.  like a little black dress.  or a suit.  or classic black pumps.  if it is quality, you'll thank yourself in the end.  gorgeous.

that's all for now kiddies......keep it real.  much love.  bizous.

Marc by Marc Jacobs Classic Marc Katie Bracelet

shopbop

Marc Jacobs Totally Turnlock Bell Cross Body Bag

materialism at its best.  oh shopbop - it is a Monday morning and a good thing that my credit card is frozen in a bucket of water.....~sigh

Tank Girl

this brings back some memories for me.  i went through this phase in my teens, where i was totally obsessed with 'Tank Girl'.  which, in theory, was a fictional character from a movie starring Lori Petty.  anyways - the sentiments of the movie were as such:  don't take shit from no one and cause all the trouble a rocket launcher could give.  at 16 - this was my philosophy.  my Mother was proud.  *side note: this girl painted this herself.  down with mass consumerism, up with DIY.  a girl after my own heart....

unimportant

these are the tresses i desire. now.  along with that heather grey, cut-off sweatshirt type deal.  oh dear friend mary-kate....wanna lend it to me? 

personal information......

i teefed this questionnaire from the greatest new blog that i have fallen in love with and just discovered.  i really love it...like for realz.  and she's Canadian.  BIG UPS!!!  Cailin Hill.  your shizz is the shizz.  you're heart is raw and beautiful.  we are few and far between. 

feeling a little introverted today.  and along with that comes the all and powerful self-deprecating feelings.  good times.  the only thing that gets me out of my head is to try and get out of my head. attempt #1......

Hi, my name is: Amanda (after a Waylon Jennings song) Jennifer (after my Grandmother's sister) Richelle (the feminine version of Richard, my uncle) Merrick (yes, like the elephant man)
Never in my life have I been: without love in my heart
The one person who can drive me nuts is: myself
High school: thank god its over
When I’m nervous: my voice cracks
The last song I listened to was: White Lies - Paolo Nutini
If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor: would be my Mother
My hair is: all up in its frustrated mess.
When I was 5: i don't remember most childhood memories.  might be a good thing....
Last Christmas: was full of family love and amazing food in the C-Spot
I should be..: learning to not be so hard on myself
When I look down I see: my Hunters
The happiest recent event was: Saturday Night w/ my man friend
If I were a character on ‘Friends’ I’d be: none of them.....
By this time next year: i want to have gone to NYC at least once
My current gripe is: money
I have a hard time understanding: conservative minds
There’s this girl I know that: makes my heart flutter.  gives my emotions space.  and loves me unconditionally.
I like you when: you are open
If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: my Mom
Take my advice: watch, love and learn Step Brothers
The thing I want to buy: new jeans.
If you visited the place I was born: you would fall in love with me too
If you spent the night at my house: we would watch movies and eat healthy snacks.....until we ran out
I’d stop my wedding if: it didn't feel right.
The world could do without: war
I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: eat water chestnuts
Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: food
Most recent thing someone else bought me: martini shaker with matching glasses
My middle name is: see first question
In the morning I: need time
The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: unicorns
Once, at a bar: ha ha ha - this is too easy to respond to.  I'll leave that to all your imaginations....
Last night I was: cooking food  watching the Gilmore Girls
There’s this guy I know who: is stuck in a moment
If I was an animal I’d be: Brody
A better name for me would be: 'oh you delicate heart'
Tomorrow I am: making plans
Tonight I am: looking forward
My birthday is: May 29th - true Gemini through and through

objects in the mirror are closer than they appear

i have been thinking a lot about perspective these days.  on how tremendously precious it is.  inside the eco-system of my mind and heart.  the perfect balance.  or, not necessarily perfect, but perfect for you.  or me.  and to strive to make the space inside sacred.  to not let anything disrupt the greenhouse effect.

Greenhouse effect:  The greenhouse effect is a process by which radiative energy leaving a planetary surface is absorbed by some atmospheric gases, called greenhouse gases. They transfer this energy to other components of the atmosphere, and it is re-radiated in all directions, including back down towards the surface. This transfers energy to the surface and lower atmosphere, so the temperature there is higher than it would be if direct heating by solar radiation were the only warming mechanism

so - the inherent theory is that we are all planets.  and the energies that we emit - yes, they affect other planets around us. but, the more integral part is that, the energy we emit - affects ourselves; inside.  like sonar.  we give ourselves permissions.  to be loved.  to love others.  to involve ourselves with things that may hurt us.  or to not.  to want more for ourselves.  to have more for ourselves.  to be the litmus test for our lovers to radiate their hearts with no reservations and reflect it back.  this is my purpose.  and it is the most beautiful journey to have just found the map to.  too bad the map is in Braille.  guess I'll have to feel my way.  the whole way.....

Rodarte SS'10

Rodarte - i have been quietly watching these designers over the year and a half or so.  what initially caught my eye, was their footwear.  gorgeous shoes.  totally valid.  they tagged themselves right onto the tail-end of the rocker-chic trend that was so hot about a year ago....anyways, their SS'10 collection has sparked my repressed goth in me.  she's dying to say 'hey Eric (as in Draven) - let's ditch old hat and get married!  in those shoes and that dress....'

materialism at its best

second want of the day.....Jeffrey Campbell 'Tick' booties.

Marche Jean Talon

so - i have lived in Montreal for almost 5 years now, and i have never been to the Marche Jean Talon until yesterday.  maybe it was the incredible weather.  maybe it was the amazing company that joined me, but none-the-less it was pretty dreamy.  i had somewhat of a drab morning and really needed a pick-me-up.  so, i threw some c-boy boots with my cut-offs and my fab dime store purse find to hop on the metro in the sweltering heat.  my original reason for going to this area of town - is one of my bff's  moved from the dee gee to a new hood - and i went to visit her beautific being and see her new diggs.  all in all - fucking great day with fresh fruit, good conversation and a nice landscape filled with new scenery and lots of love to runneth my cup over....

materialism at its best

WISH vest.  ~drool......first materialistic want of the day. 

love is the new hate

so, of all the things that course through my veins; love is of the utmost importance and integrity in my life.  it is the highest regard.  it is the thing that pushes me. it is the thing that inspires me the most. it is the thing that challenges me the most.  it is the thing.  the thing that draws the line between friend and foe.  between lover and loved.  my currency in this life is that of the a fore mentioned affection.  and after 30 times around - it never gets old.  it never tires.  it never tarnishes.  it never ceases to elevate my existence to a higher level.  it scares me.  it freaks me out.  but, it's a good freak out.  regardless of my tragic neurotic behavior - i crave it and can't get enough.  but, as i grow older....i have a much less firm grip on the anxiety of it.  and this approach is really the most rewarding of all my previous approaches.  my theory:  all love that is worth anything - is not love that needs keeping or caging.  it is love that is free and natural and easy.  it is not love that feels out-of-step or out of place - it is love that feels in sync with the beat of my heart.

this is what love looks like to me - a moment captured that reads, to me; beautiful.

spirit hood

this is a spirit hood.  this one is the snow leopard.  i wanna one......

the f word....

why is it that, when someone is labeled a feminist - it's an insult?  since when was feminism considered a bad word?  for a while in the 60's and 70's, it was a word that defined your personal politics as a woman.  in a way that was clear and concise.  and, yes, it was most definitely intimidating - but at least it wasn't a curse word. 

growing up - i am the daughter of a single mother.  i watched her fight and win.  so many times.  and sometimes she lost, but, she still had the fight in her.  she still does to this day.  i think that is something that you are either born with or you're just not.  and watching her, bearing witness to this force, imprinted so much of a innate feeling of fight in me also.  her passion.  her drive.  to provide for us.  to provide for me.  was inspiring.  is inspiring.  and now, 30 years later, i still appreciate all that she did and does for me.

there is this digression away from what we believe compared to what we live.  this is just a comment.  in this day and age, shouldn't boys be raised to be men?  men who respect women? and i am not sitting here flinging mud at men.  i love men.  'i have all their albums.'  trust me.  it's just that, it never ceases to amaze me when i meet some people, men and women, they are so afraid to have an opinion.  they are afraid of what others might think of them.  and, i seriously cannot remember the last time i heard someone use the word feminism with a positive connotation.  women shy away from it.  and men use it as a punchline.

furthermore, let me be clear.  there are a great many things that men have done in my experience, as a woman, to blow me away.  but, usually, it has to do with them realizing their emotions in a way that is visible to me.  when they have moments where they can't hide behind their stoicism.  when they are open enough to feel and breath and sigh.......sometimes.  there are some really incredible men in my life.  that have taught me so much about subtlty.  humanity.  tenderness.  truth. 

and my politics, certainly do not fit.  anywhere really.  they are not politically correct.  they are messy and unfinished and sporadic.  but, at least they are with thought.  and, mostly, based on experience. 

looking for the holes


i am looking for the holes
the holes in your jeans
because i want to know
are they worn out in the seat
or are they worn out in the knees

there are so many ways to wear
what we have before it's gone
to make use of what is there
i don't wear anything i can't
wipe my hands on

do your politics fit
between the headlines
are they written in newsprint
are they distant
mine are crossing an empty parking lot
they are a woman walking home
at night, alone
they are six strings that sing
and wood that hums against my hip bone

we can't afford to do anyone harm
because we owe them our lives
each breath is recycled
from someone else's lungs
our enemies are the very air in disguise

you can talk a great philosophy
but if you can't be kind
to people every day
then it doesn't mean that much to me
it's the little things you do
it's the little things you say
it's the love that you give along the way

when we patch things up
they say a job well done
but when we ask the question why
where did the rips come from
they say we are subversive
and extreme of course
we are just trying to track a problem
to it's source
we are looking for the holes

because we know we can't sit back
and let people come to harm
we owe them our lives
each breath is recycled
from someone else's lungs
our enemies are the very air
our enemies are the air'

© 1991 ani difranco / righteous babe music

this is my overall sentiment on the matter:  shouldn't we be able to say what we want as long as it's not infringing upon other people's beliefs in a way where it is detrimental?  shouldn't we be able to love who we want, how we want?  shouldn't we support each other in all our differences even if that means sometimes listening to someone else's opinion when you don't agree with it?  to me feminism is humanity.  to me, feminism is respect.  i don't want special treatment.  i just want the opportunity to choose.  for myself.  not based on my gender.  but based on my being.

now.  to make sense of it all.  i enjoy the male gender more than most.  i like girly things.  i have grown to like the colour pink {in small doses and never in theory when it comes to outfits}.  but, i also crave and covet masculinity in life, love and theory.  i welcome a man's man into my life.  more so than most.  just someone who has strength enough to discuss, savor and appreciate women.  as a way of life, love and theory.

prada napa fringe bag

ain't she a dream-boat?  goo.

empty

She lifts her skirt up to her knees,
walks through the garden rows with her bare feet, laughing.
I never learned to count my blessings,
I choose instead to dwell in my disasters.
I walk on down the hill,
through grass, grown tall and brown
and still its hard somehow to let go of my pain.
On past the busted back of that old and rusted Cadillac
that sinks into this field, collecting rain.
Will I always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged.

And of these cut-throat busted sunsets,
these cold and damp white mornings
I have grown weary.
If through my cracked and dusted dime-store lips
I spoke these words out loud would no one hear me?
Lay your blouse across the chair,
let fall the flowers from from your hair
and kiss me with that country mouth, so plain.
Outside, the rain is tapping on the leaves,
to me it sounds like they're applauding us the the quiet love we've made.
Will I always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged.

Well I looked my demons in the eyes,
laid bare my chest, said "Do your best, destroy me.
You see, I've been to hell and back so many times,
I must admit you kind of bore me."
There's a lot of things that can kill a man,
there's a lot of ways to die,
listen, some already did that walked beside me.
There's a lot of things I don't understand,
why so many people lie.
Is it the hurt I hide that fuels the fire inside me.
Will I always feel this way

So empty, so estranged.

Ray Lamontagne